Soft Serve – Possibly The Most Extraordinary Dessert Ever Made

One of my fondest memories from childhood was on a camping trip to the Ozarks when I was a little boy. We stopped at a roadside stand for soft serve and the chocolate cone I got was the biggest thing I’d ever seen. I’ve been hooked ever since.

Soft serve ice cream, when done right, is, in my opinion, the best dessert ever made. Yeah, I said it. Now let me tell you why.

What is done right?

Obviously flavor is critical. My favorite is chocolate.

Texture is also important and is largely driven by temperature. Too warm and it will turn into a gooey mess. Too cold and it will turn the cone into a sloppy mess by the time you make it there. If the shop doesn’t monitor this critical input don’t even waste your time, it’ll be a poor experience.

From there we move to the foundation, the cone. It needs to be able to withstand the ice cream beginning to melt without losing its structure and firmness. At the same time it shouldn’t feel, or taste, like cardboard when you get to eating it.

As you reach the bottom of the cone, where a little melted ice cream should be pooling in the honeycomb like structure, it should lightly crunch and collapse as you take that final bite.

Lastly, size matters. I’m a big guy. It takes a lot to satisfy me. It is critical the shop offers sizes to satisfy all.

Dessert Differentiation

Now I know what you are thinking. “Don, I can think of lots of tasty desserts.” I’m sure you can. Cheesecake, brownies, pie, cake, gelato, candy, the list goes on.

But let me ask you this. Are any of those interactive? Can you eat them in a way that completely satisfies you? Lick them? Nibble them? Bite them? All at the same sitting? Will they reward you if you eat them right and punish you when you eat them wrong? Can you lick them off of your body when they drip? In public? Didn’t think so.

Soft serve should be a sensual experience, male or female. I personally start at the top with a few quick nibbles. Then I use my lips to gently peel back a few small mouthfuls. Since I like a large I have to be careful not to risk it toppling off.

Heat dictates when I begin using my tongue. The warmer it is the sooner I need to lap up the sides before it gets messy. I like mine neat.

As I get to the top of the cone I use my tongue to scoop out a little bit of the ice cream. Then I take turns, biting off the edges of the top of the cone then working my tongue deeper into the opening, stopping when I reach that honeycomb-like bottom. If I’ve timed it just right I need only use my tongue to enjoy the very last bite.

There is no other dessert that will afford this rewarding of an experience.

Alaska Ice Cream

This picture was taken on our way back from the trip to Denali this Summer We stopped off at the ice cream shop in Miller’s Market.

They know how to serve the perfect soft serve. The line wrapped outside on a summer day proves it. When I told Heather I was getting the extra large she bet there was no way I could eat it without getting it all over me. We sat outside in front of the line while I showed her how to properly eat soft serve. Just as I was finishing, not having spilled one drop, she managed to drop hers on her shoulder. Not even sure how you do that, but she did. Not a single person in line even thought of calling the police on me.

And THAT is why soft serve is the greatest dessert ever made (when done right).

Ice Cream Parlors

Millers Market is located in Houston, Alaska, just outside of Wasilla. Wasilla is just north of Anchorage. For reference…Anchorage is quite a bit northwest of Seattle. Hope that helps. I promise you it is worth the commute. As a matter of fact, swing by on your way to or from the Matanuska Glacier!

Do you know of an ice cream parlor worthy of my discerning taste? Drop me a note and let me know. I’ll stop in the next time I’m in the area. I might even write about it if I enjoy it enough.